


I'm Too Human For Your Divinity

by mon_dieu



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, I am not even American and I'm ashamed, I can't believe I am writing fanfiction on the Founding Fathers of America, Jamilton - Freeform, Jock Thomas, M/M, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Theatre kid Alex, not me, who knows where i'm going with this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-08-31 19:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8591419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mon_dieu/pseuds/mon_dieu
Summary: Life passed quickly, before he met the fiery and passionate boy with the long, dark hair. One touch, and a certain boy had consumed all of Thomas' days.AKA: That one au in which the first thing your soulmate thinks when you meet each other is written on your skin





	1. The dust cleared, and you were the only thing left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: G/PG  
> Word count: 1252

For his entire life, Thomas Jefferson had lived with the knowledge that the first thing his soulmate thought once he saw him would be tattooed on his arm. It was like this for everyone. Some people had simple thoughts that didn’t offer much of an impression of your soulmate like “Wow they have pretty eyes,” or “Huh?”, but not Thomas.

The phrase written over his forearm was _“Are all jocks incapable of not blocking the hallway, or is it just this asshole?”_. He was never quite sure of what to do about that. Like, was he simply supposed to obstruct every hallway he was in, in hope of running into his soulmate? It used to hurt him a bit, at least when he was younger, that it didn’t seem like he would get that fairy tale romance from the get-go, but he had learned to get over himself. Perhaps his soulmate simply had a bad day.

 

The jock part of that statement wasn’t hard to fulfil. Thomas had always been proficient at sports, and he had been part of some form of sports club for as long as he could remember. He fell in easily with the popular crowd, and while he certainly didn’t think badly about his peers that wasn’t a part of his friend group, he paid them no mind either. While his friends’ reputations of being not so nice had transferred to him, and his skills in debate and his refusal to back down from a challenge had left him with a reputation of being rather arrogant, he didn’t act rude on purpose.

 

Perhaps he should though, considering that’s what his soulmate saw him as, but that wasn’t really an expectation he was longing to live up to. He couldn’t help wonder what was written on his soulmate’s arm. Was it a similar comment, or something completely different?

The rules of the soulmate system wasn’t particularly clear either. A friend of his had discovered his soulmate to be a girl in his class, that he had never had much contact with. As far as Thomas understood it, they had to somehow touch each other – shake hands, bump into one another accidentally, you name it – and they would just know they were meant for one another. It didn’t really make sense, but Thomas figured there was no reason to agonise over things he didn’t have the power to change. He would probably just know, once he met this mysterious person.

 

As it turned out, that was easier said than done.

He was walking through a crowded hallway in his high school one morning, with a slow pace due to the mass of people trying to get to class at the same time. He feels someone bump into him from behind, his back was turned so he couldn’t see who it was, but suddenly he felt way warier of his surroundings than he usually ever did. It felt as if there was someone he desperately needed to find.

 

He turned around, trying to find out who bumped into him. The first person he saw was a boy he vaguely recognised to be a year younger than him. His first proper thought was a stupid one, as all his clouded mind provided him with was “Fuck, he’s cute.”

“Are you planning on standing there the entire day?” The other student asked, clearly annoyed. His long brown hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, he looked like he hadn’t slept at all the past couple of nights, and he had the most beautiful deep brown eyes Thomas had ever seen.

 

And then he felt it, like a click in his brain. He didn’t know if the other boy felt it too, but it was there. He took the hand of said confused, somewhat bitter-looking, junior and started walking.

“What the fuck are you doing?” The boy asked. Thomas was racking his brain, trying to remember his name. He knew he had seen him before. He was pretty active in debate, and for hosting his own protests against Principal Augustine with his friends on the school grounds. He was hard to miss.

 

“Just trust me.”

“Trust you? I don’t even know you!” He was making a huge fuss. Thomas turned around again, and straightened his back, effectively making their height difference just a tad more apparent, in a way to display a tiny bit of dominance, or at least pretend to.

 

“I need to tell you something, but first we need to get out of this crowd.” Thomas said, his tone of voice confident and with enough grandeur to make the other boy nod silently, albeit still looking a bit dissatisfied.

 

Thomas dragged them through the hall, his tall stature effectively turning him into a snow plough, as he dragged the younger boy through the masses of people.  Thomas was still trying to remember the boy’s name, cursing his forgetful brain. It started with an A, he remembered that much. Andy? No, not that. Alexander? Could that be it? He wasn’t sure.

“Where are you taking me?” The boy, possibly named Alexander asked. ‘I am going to change your life,’ Thomas thought, but he decided not to say it out loud. The other boy was probably pretty annoyed with him already; he didn’t need to rub it in.

 

Once they were out in the courtyard, Thomas located a nearby bench and went to sit down. The long-haired boy joined him.

“Can you please tell me what you want from me? I am going to be late for English.” Thomas responded by pulling up his sleeve, under Alexander’s questioning gaze.

 

“When you bumped into me, I felt something, like a click in my brain, and I was suddenly hyper-aware of everything around me. I just need to know, was this a coincidence, or does it mean something? If you remember, was this what you thought when you bumped into me?” Thomas rambled out an explanation, but he needed to know. He showed his tattoo, and the boy with the pretty eyes started laughing.

“Oh boy. I was thinking that.  I am sorry you had to grow up with that written on your arm.” He laughed harder. Once he had calmed down a bit he tried to speak again. “My name is Alexander Hamilton by the way. I don’t feel too sorry, as your first thoughts weren’t the most flattering either.”

 

Thomas mentally high-fived himself for getting his name right, but he had to laugh for himself once he saw Alexander’s tattoo. It was written in cursive, with the phrase “Fuck, he’s cute.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Thomas flashed his best smile. “I’m Thomas Jefferson.” Before he has time to say anything else, a panicked expression appeared on Alexander’s face.

 

“I AM GOING TO BE LATE,” Alexander exclaimed. Thomas was too dazed to think about the remains of his school day, but apparently Alexander was not. “I HAVE TO DEBATE CHARLES LEE IN LESS THAN A MINUTE!”

Alexander stood up in a hurry, and started to run.

 

“Will I see you again?” Thomas shouted after him. While, yes, they went to the same school, Thomas was uncertain whether Alexander cared for him at all.

“Yes! I have to go win an argument with an idiot first,” Alexander stopped to yell back. “I’ll see you at lunch!”

 

Thomas chuckled to himself. The fiery junior ran off, and Thomas sat there, watching for a moment before realising that he too, had a class he was late for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> a couple of months ago I fell down the rabbit hole that was Hamilton: The Musical, and not long ago I was dragged into shipping hell, starting off with Jamilton. I felt it was only appropriate for them to be my first Hamilton fanfic.
> 
> What did you think? If you find any typos or have any complaints about how I write the characters, please tell me. I live for comments, constructive criticism especially ^^
> 
> Love you lots, I'll try to update soon ♥
> 
> //EDIT: I had forgotten I made George the principal of the school, so now it is changed to Principal Augustine (Washington's Dad)//


	2. Like lullabies you are, forever in my mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG/PG-13 (idk how highly to rate this. John curses a lot. That's it.)  
> Word count: 1363

Every person born in their world had been born with a string of thoughts written on their forearm. It was the thoughts of the person your soul supposedly matched with, and whatever they were thinking when you touched, accidentally or not, for the first time. Once you did, it was all up to you. There was no psychic link, or dramatic bodily change. The words were still there, and while a large majority of people ended up dating their soulmates, not everyone did. It was more of a friendly suggestion from the universe.

Alexander remember reading stories when he was little of a world without the soulmate marks. Anyone could be your soulmate. Maybe the cute person in your class, or your neighbour, someone in a far-away country, or someone you just, almost, never met when passing them in the street. People were wandering around the globe, looking for the soulmate they might never find. These marks helped humans find their mate, and as far as he knew, it had been like this for all time.

 

This is why Alexander wondered how, out of all people, his soulmate ended up being Thomas Jefferson. Sure, he was very attractive by all standards, and as far as Alexander knew, he wasn’t dumb. Out of all the jocks in their high school, Jefferson wasn’t rumoured to be as crude or as stupid, but he was a bystander, and many of the people he was friends with had picked on Alexander’s own friends. Perhaps he wasn’t like them at all. Perhaps Thomas was nice, clever, and just simply good at sports and attractive without feeding into the jock stereotype.

 

Alexander didn’t know. He didn’t know Thomas Jefferson. He saw him in the halls every once in a while, and he had heard his fair share of rumours, but that was about it. Alexander didn’t _have_ to date him. He didn’t.

While the soulmate system had previously been used for forced or arranged marriages, that tradition had died out. You were free to choose, and Alexander didn’t know what he wanted to do.

 

Alexander’s class had just finished, and he had completely wrecked Charles Lee in the debate. His arguments were poor and irrelevant, and at one point his friend John Laurens had to leave his seat to physically stop Alexander from jumping Lee, due to his frustrating ignorance. Once he had calmed down, somewhat at least, he delivered his arguments with such precision that even the teacher looked baffled.

Now he had just gotten his History book, and sat down to join his friends, John, Hercules and Lafayette. They were sitting in an open area by the hallways, at a red sofa. Alexander was pretty spaced out, Jefferson dominating every aspect of his mind. He was still conflicted.

 

He knew for a fact that Jefferson was clever. Their school held open debates at lunchtime, in lieu of a form of open mic, for random students to debate on subjects outside of class on selected days. Alexander remember watching him on a debate when he was still a freshman. Jefferson was debating against this guy named John Adams - a dreadfully annoying person with poorly constructed arguments, at least that’s what Alexander thought – and Alexander found it fascinating. He couldn’t quite remember the topic, but he could recall that while he usually would have sided with Adams’ point of view, Jefferson could convince him with his carefully constructed words and well thought-out arguments. Adams was an infuriatingly dull person to debate with, and instead on working on his arguments, he had simply tried to shout until Jefferson agreed. (Spoiler alert: He didn’t, and Jefferson won).

It was odd. Jefferson seemed to be far more calm and collected than Alexander. While they both had their values, Jefferson’s cool and suave style rivalled Alexander’s passion and intensity. They had two completely different ways of approaching a problem.

 

Alexander was pulled out of his train of thought when his friend, Lafayette waved a hand in front of his face. (His real name was something like Gilbert du Motier. He was from an old French family, and actually held a title as a Marquis, Marquis de Lafayette. He had told the boys that if they called him something other than Lafayette or Gil, he would leave on the next flight back to France.)

“You were worlds away there, mon Ami. You okay?” The faint French accent evident in the other boy’s voice.

 

“I’m good, my mind as just been rather occupied today.” Alexander said, dismissing their concern.

“As opposed to normal, when you are completely calm and zen at all times, then?” John laughed. Alexander smiled. “But for real, you have been acting strange the entire day.”

 

“It’s nothing. Nothing I can’t solve on my own at least.” Alexander appreciated their concern, he really did, but he didn’t like sympathy, nor receiving help. If he couldn’t sort out his own thoughts, then who could?

Just then, as if Alexander had invited an ironic gesture of fate with his last statement, Thomas walked by. He didn’t stop, probably on his way to class, but his gaze lingered on Alexander, and he winked at him, before going about his day. The little shit winked at him, in front of all his friends!

 

“Alexander, did I just hallucinate or did Thomas Jefferson, of all people, just wink at you?!” John practically screamed in his face. “What are you not telling us?”

 

Alexander looked over at Jefferson before speaking. He had not been walking fast enough to be out of hearing range, and suddenly had a smirk resting on his face. And maybe Alexander found it really hot. It didn’t mean anything, he told himself.

“Well, it turned out, after crashing into him this morning, that we have a sort of, predicament on our hands.” Alexander swallowed. It wasn’t often Alexander was rendered unable to speak properly, but this was one of those instances.

 

“A predicament?” Hercules spoke up for the first time in that conversation. He arched an eyebrow.

“Well, he just so happens to be my, uh,” Alexander paused. He was strangely nervous. “soulmate.”

 

A hush fell over the group, for a couple of moments, until John spoke up.

“You are the only person I can ever imagine calling a soulmate bond with Thomas fucking Jefferson a motherfucking predicament.” John spoke, clearly incredulous at his friend’s behaviour. “The guy looks like an Adonis. He does track, plays football, and is somehow not completely daft either. What could possibly be the problem?”

Alexander had no idea how to respond to that. He supposed as far as people he had met in his life, Thomas was as close to perfection as he could imagine. Athletic, idealistic, tall, keen, handsome… No. He mentally shook his head. He needed to think clearly.

 

“Please calm down, John.” Lafayette said. “Alexander here is most likely just confused. When you get a soulmate, there is always that frustrating adjustment period where you need to figure out where to go from here. It’s not easy.”

Something flashed over Lafayette’s eyes, but he couldn’t really say what that was. Lafayette was the only other person in their circle of friends that had found his soulmate, but they didn’t know much about him. All they knew was that Gil and his soulmate weren’t currently romantically involved, and that it had hurt him a lot. Gil didn’t really like to talk about it.

 

“Laf is right, John. I’m just, confused. I’m not saying I don’t want him, but I’m not saying I want him either. I don’t know the guy.” Alexander paused. “Sure, he looks good, but what if his personality just sucks? What if he isn’t as great as everyone thinks? What if he is, and I just don’t fall in love with him?”

 

“I suppose. I’m just jealous that you, a human firecracker, managed to somehow find your soulmate before me, a cute person who deserves better.” John says melodramatically, lightening the mood. “And also kind of jealous that you got Jefferson. Like, damn. That is one hot guy.” Alexander laughed.

“We are supposed to meet at lunch. I’ll talk to him then.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I am back with another chapter. I'm trying to update this story as frequently as possible, so there is no clear schedule. Btw, while writing this I discovered that Lafayette's full name is "Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette". Like @Laf's parents: What the fuck. What the fuck, man.
> 
> What did you think? If you find any typos or have any complaints about how I write the characters, please tell me. I live for comments, constructive criticism especially ^^
> 
> Love you lots, I'll try to update soon ♥
> 
> \---  
> EDIT (26th of November 2016): I had a passage where I explained Lafayettes name in the story. Originally his "real name" was Gilbert Lafayette, but considering his real surname was "du Motier" I decided to keep that instead. Since aristocratic titles doesn't really have that big of a relevance anymore, we can simply say he inherited the title, and he is 1000% done with his antique-sounding name.


	3. The thought is a wine of which the dreamers are drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG  
> Word count: 1174

The lunch hour was starting in five minutes, and Alexander Hamilton was standing right outside the cafeteria, trying to calm himself down. He had spotted Thomas entering the cafeteria, and sitting down on a separate table than the one his friends usually occupied. This was actually happening.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and immediately jumped at the contact. He heard a chuckle, and turned his head to see Lafayette standing next to him. His taller friend wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

 

“Somebody’s nervous.” Lafayette spoke. “It always feels like that in the beginning.”

“I don’t know what to do, Gil. I am considering to just back out. That won’t make me a terrible person right?” Alexander’s hands were shaking, almost as much as his confidence. “I am usually great at confrontation, and I usually have a plan. Somehow today is different.”

 

“Well, it won’t make you a terrible person, but it will certainly wound your prospects with him.” Lafayette deadpanned. When he saw Alexander’s panicked expression he quickly explained. “It was a joke. I’m only joking, Alexander.”

He saw Alexander steady his breath, and waited another moment before he spoke again.

 

“Thomas will probably forgive you. He is your soulmate after all. Still, don’t you think you should give it a try? He’s a good person, and considering he is waiting at a table alone, he is trying not to intimidate you.”

“How do you know? I’m so confused right now. I don’t even know if I like him. Why do I care what he thinks?” Alexander huffed.

 

“Before I say anything else; you caring about what he thinks of you might be your brain telling you to test it out” Lafayette spoke calmly. Alexander looked to be contemplating this, so Lafayette decided it was time to mention the unavoidable. “As for how I know, well. Is this a bad time to mention that Thomas is my cousin?”

Alexander’s eyes widened comically. He opened his mouth, but closed it again once he realized that the words weren’t coming out.

 

“We’re not all that close, and I had only met him at family gatherings before we moved here, and started the same school. However, he is nice, and while he can come off as rather abrasive, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Ami.” Lafayette started walking into the cafeteria with Alexander, his arm still around the shorter boy’s shoulders.

 

He stopped a few meters away from Thomas’ table, and let go of Alexander.

“Go get him, tiger. Or whatever other cliché phrase you can think of.” Lafayette pushed him towards the table, and walked to get into the line. Alexander sat down at the table.

 

“Hi there.” Thomas said, in a voice that was way more calm and careful than Alexander would have expected. The Southern drawl in his voice was almost soothing in itself.

“Hi, Thomas.” He greeted. “So… Soulmates, eh?”

“Really, Alexander?” Thomas raised an eyebrow. He sighed, and continued. “I was wondering what you wanted to do about this. People handle soulmate bonds differently, and I want to know your thoughts before making any advances.”

 

“My t-thoughts?” Alexander asked. He was usually so skilled with words, but now he had become a blubbering mess. “Honestly, I am confused. I don’t know you, but you seem like a good guy, and you look,” He paused, and made a hand motion just vague enough to articulate how hot he found the other boy to be. “ _amazing_ , but I don’t know if I feel anything.” He breathed out.

“I want to stress the point that there is nothing wrong with you. I am just not sure about what I want us to be. I had never really thought about the idea of actually finding my soulmate.”

 

The confusing garble that exited Alexander’s mouth that just, almost, made sense made Thomas laugh. He had always been one to laugh when he was nervous, a bad habit really, but Alexander didn’t look hurt. Alexander started laughing as well.

Once they had managed to calm down, Thomas spoke again.

 

“You know, I was feeling silly before coming here, due to how nervous I was. I am glad to see I was not the only one.” He reached his hand across the table, and took Alexander’s hand. He stroked the back of Alexander’s hand with his thumb. The action appeared to calm the younger boy. “How about this? We can start being friends, see if we’re compatible, and if it evolves into anything more, we let it. Without putting pressure on one another, we can see if the universe was right about us.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” Alexander smiles properly for the first time since the soulmate incident. Thomas smiled back, and may or may not have had to restrain himself from giggling at how cute his soulmate looked.

 

***

 

In another part of the cafeteria, John, Gilbert and Hercules were trying to see how the encounter went down.

“You know, if we had picked a table closer to them, we might actually hear what they are saying.” Hercules commented.

 

“Well, we didn’t want it to be obvious that we were spying on them, did we?” John replied, giving Herc a side glance.

“You, almost falling to the floor, because you are leaning away from the table isn’t obvious at all.” Hercules grumbled.

 

“Girls, girls you’re both pretty.” Gilbert sighed loudly. “I hope Alex and Thomas can work it out. It would be nice to see Thomas happy.”

Hercules and John shared a look of utter confusion. Their friends’ familiarity with Thomas Jefferson was weird, as they couldn’t recall seeing them ever interact.

“So, Gil, exactly how well do you know ‘Thomas’? And how, if you don’t mind me asking?” Hercules asked. He, being the same age as Jefferson, assumed he would know their friends’ soulmate the best, and even he barely knew anything about him. Gilbert raised an eyebrow at his friends. Once he saw the confusion in their eyes, he decided to respond.

“Oh, I must have forgotten to tell you. Thomas is my cousin. We’re not super close or anything, but I know him.” He shrugged.

“And you didn’t care to mention this before? Like, ever?” John said, incredulously. “Do you have any other super hot cousins we should know about?”

 

Gilbert laughed to himself, before he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it up, and felt his heart ache at the name of the sender. He swallowed nervously.

“It didn’t seem that important.” He replied absentmindedly. He looked at the text message, wanting nothing more than to chuck his phone towards the other side of the room.

 

** Celui qui a brisé mon cœur: **

_Hey, how are you? Can we talk?_

 

How could two short sentences ruin his day so quickly. Anyone who said the soulmate system was a guaranteed success could fuck off. He typed his reply quickly, before returning to the conversation.

 

** Moi: **

_Meet me after school in the park. You know where._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Sorry for the long hiatus. Writer's block owns my ass. I will try to update more often, but I can't promise anything.  
> Will Thomas and Alex work it out? Who is texting Lafayette? _Stay tuned to find out~_
> 
> What did you think? If you find any typos or have any complaints about how I write the characters, please tell me. I live for comments, constructive criticism especially ^^
> 
> Love you lots, I'll try to update soon ♥
> 
> \---  
>  **Celui qui a brisé mon cœur: The one who broke my heart/He who broke my heart**


	4. We are all lost stars, trying to light up the sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG  
> Word count: 2084  
> A/N: This chapter will be focusing predominantly on Lafayette. The parts in italics are direct flashbacks.

Gilbert was sitting at a park bench, _the_ park bench. It was the same park bench he had been sitting on that fateful day in April, 5 months prior, when he saw the man that was supposed to be his soulmate for the first time. Gilbert was not usually the type of person to approach random cute guys in the park, but something drew him to do so.

He had been feeding the ducks, and smiling that smile that used to make his heart beat faster. He was wearing a white button-up with light blue polka dots, skinny jeans, and boots. He was carrying a book bag, and Gilbert had made the assumption that he was a student. He would find out later that he was right. Lafayette could picture it, as if it had been yesterday.

 

***

 

_“My my, you give a new meaning to the phrase ‘lucky ducks’.” Gilbert said, approaching the man by the pond. The other man turned around, eyes wide. His smile returned, and he opened his mouth to speak._

_“I think you mean ‘lucky duck’. Which would be more likely me, rather than the actual ducks.” His voice was smoother than silk, and Gilbert felt his cheeks redden. The other man extended his hand. “My name is George Washington. I assume you are my soulmate, or in the very least a very handsome coincidence.”_

_“Gilbert du Motier, but you can call me Lafayette. As your phrase matched the odd sentence written on my arm, I would assume you are right about the soulmate hypothesis.” Gilbert took his hand._

 

***

 

Gilbert looked around. He wasn’t quite sure when George would arrive, but he was dreading this meeting. He dreaded every meeting they had. His phone buzzed in his pocket.

 

 

** Celui qui a brisé mon cœur: **

_Stuck in traffic. I’ll be there in 10 minutes._

 

He sighed. This place was so full of memories, even though they hadn’t known each other long. It had been sunny, like today was, but warmer, back in April. It had been getting colder lately, as it was just the start of September. He let the autumn sun warm his face, as he thought back to that fateful day.

 

***

 

Maybe he never would have approached George, if he knew what were to happen next. Gilbert had grown up with all kinds of fairytale fantasies about soulmates. He thought the day you met your soulmate was the day your life begun. It was supposed to be your best chance at romance, and the person the universe picked out for you was supposed to be yours forever.

A while into their conversation, Gilbert found out that George wasn’t single. George was in his second year of college, and he was dating a girl one year older than him, named Martha. They had been childhood friends, and best friends since forever.

 

Martha was one of those few people who had been born without a soulmark. Either her soulmate died before she was born, or they simply had never existed. People without soulmarks were often looked down upon, so George had said he would pretend to be her soulmate, at least until his came along. Martha covered her arm, and agreed to live the lie her friend had suggested for her. Over time, their friendship had evolved into something more, and George had almost given up on meeting his true soulmate. He assumed the universe must have made a mistake, because how could his love for Martha be wrong?

 

George had told him the story, and Gilbert had felt his heart sink in his chest. They were sitting at a mostly empty café, and Gilbert simply hoped that he wouldn’t have to cry in public. He couldn’t demand George to break up with his girlfriend, but at the same time he felt betrayed. He was supposed to be his soulmate! This was supposed to be his happily ever after!

As much as Gilbert wanted to be selfish and demand that his soulmate should abandon the girl he so clearly loved, he wasn’t that type of person. He didn’t have the heart to do such a thing.

 

_“I only promised to date her until the day I met my soulmate, so I can actually break up with her now, if that is what you want.” George said nervously. It was clear he was used to be a people pleaser, and was uncomfortable with hurting other people’s feelings. This was a predicament, because no matter what, someone was going to get hurt. Should he hurt the girl he knew and loved, or this boy he had just met, soulmark or not?_

_“I am not going to force you to break up with your girlfriend.” Lafayette said after a long pause. “Any idiot could see you’re in love with her. Your eyes light up when you say her name.” Even saying it pained him._

_“I don’t want to do this to you. If any idiot can see I’m in love with her, anyone could see you’re disappointed, even this idiot.” George motioned to himself._

_“Imagine for a minute if we lived in an alternate universe. One without soulmates and dumb phrases tattooed on our arms from birth. You would probably be destined to be with Martha. Friends since childhood, the ultimate soulmate story. I would just have been some teenager that stupidly attempted to flirt with you as you were feeding the ducks.” He paused, as he was choking up. George took his hand. “It would have been another funny story, and you would have gone home. It might have been the kind of funny story you told Martha on your next date, and the memory of me would fade over time. You could forget me as you lived happily ever after.” He felt a tear run down his cheek._

_“And in this alternate universe, what would happen to you? Perhaps I would have lived happily ever after, but you are erasing yourself from the narrative. You deserve to be happy, Gil.” George said. If only he knew he was slowly breaking his heart._

_“I would move on with my life. Perhaps find happiness in someone else. There wouldn’t be any soulmarks that could determine who I should be with, so I probably would have found it as well.” He was trying his best not to break down._

_“Gilbert, that reality does not belong to us, and it’s not that simple. If you really don’t think we should be together, let us stay friends in the very least. I couldn’t bear losing my soulmate due to this situation. We can work something out. Please?” George looked at him with pleading eyes. Looking into his deep brown eyes, how could he say no?_

_“I’ll try.” Gilbert replied. It was the best he could do. They exchanged numbers, and Gilbert pretended he had another appointment so he could leave._

***

 

“There you are. Sorry I’m late!” George’s voice, smooth as silk, stopped his train of thought. Gilbert opened his eyes and smiled at the man sitting down next to him. Gilbert took a moment to study the man beside him. He was beautiful, and he always made his heart flutter. They had only met a handful of times over the past couple of months, as it was all Gilbert could handle. This made the text message so odd.

“What’s up? I was surprised to see your message.” Gilbert said. George probably came right from school, as he was still wearing his reading glasses. He was dressed in skinny jeans and a knitted jumper.

 

“You seem suspicious. I only wanted to talk.” George stated simply.

“About what?”

“About us.” George replied. He had that pleading look in his eyes from the first day they met. Now Gilbert was properly confused. ‘Us’. What a ridiculous idea. Hadn’t they come to the conclusion that there were no them? Gilbert wished he could stop the bitter taste on his tongue.

 

“Us? I didn’t know there was an us?” He said, before he could stop himself. There had always been a ‘them’ and no ‘us’. He had always been excluded. Did George somehow forget this?

“Gil, please. I never wanted it to be like this.” He pleaded. He took a deep breath before he continued. “We have never had the most common soulmate relationship. I felt guilty over this, and so did Martha.”

“Continue.” He replied grumpily. He didn’t care to conceal his emotions anymore.

 

“While I very much still want to be with Martha,” Gilbert sighed dramatically, before George continued. “it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you as well. You are my soulmate after all.”

Lafayette was so done. George’s great solution was to date them both? He just wanted to run away.

 

“Martha suggested we could have a polyamorous relationship; or at least an open one. I know I am capable of loving more than one person, I have never tested it out in real life. We could still date, without anyone being hurt.”

“George…” he tried. He almost wanted to laugh, this didn’t even feel like reality. On one hand he wished to be happy at last. He would get to be with the man he had so quickly fallen in love with.

On another he would still be sharing him with her. He didn’t have anything against Martha, not really. He just wished it didn’t have to come to this. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

 

“Are you saying I have to choose between the two of you?” George said, looking down at his feet.

“I don’t know what you have to do, George. I guess I just wish I hadn’t just been an option because she suggested you’d try an open relationship. I guess I just wish I would have been your first choice, but I can’t be, can I?” He choked up. Why did so many of his encounters with George end in tears?

“I know it is selfish, but I wish you could have thought of something like this before, out of the sheer wish to be with me. That this was not an idea that simply sprung out of _her_ guilt.”

 

George went silent. Lafayette had never told him anything like this before. Perhaps he had never realised how much he hurt the younger boy, before now.

“You’re not selfish, Gil. You have been anything but. I am the one who has been selfish. I have been stomping on your heart, without thinking about it. Oh, what shall I do? I have made this handsome boy cry.” He hugged Gilbert close. George was much broader than him, and Gilbert felt so safe in his embrace. “Please think about it. I know I don’t deserve you, I never have. But please.”

“That is cruel, and you know it. You know I can never say no to you.” He buried his face in George’s soft knitted sweater. “Fine, mon cher, I’ll think about it.”

 

***

 

Later that day, after Lafayette had gone home, he received a text message. He didn’t open it at first after he saw who it was from. He took a shower, changed into sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, and laid down on his bed. He was so tired, and wanted to sleep, but he reluctantly opened the message anyway.

 

** Celui qui a brisé mon cœur: **

_I didn’t dare to tell you this earlier today. I suppose because I am, for all intents and purposes, a coward. I had suggested the idea of a polyamory relationship to Martha, back in April. She didn’t agree, and most likely out of fear of losing me, she said I had to choose whom I wanted to be with. It was my idea, but it wasn’t until now she obliged._

Lafayette ignored how George texted as if he was writing a formal letter. He was getting tired of hearing about her, but perhaps this meant George cared. At least a little. He looked at the next text message.

 

** Celui qui a brisé mon cœur: **

_I won’t force you to do anything, but if you say yes, I’ll make it worth your time. I’ll make up for how shitty I have been as a soulmate by treating you like the prince you are._

 

Lafayette laid down on his bed. He was so exhausted, and he didn’t know what to do. Perhaps he needed to talk to someone, because he had no idea how to go about this alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Two updates within the same week whaaaat?? Were you surprised at the identity of Lafayette's mysterious heartbreaker? The next chapter will shift the focus back to Thomas and Alexander, but you will hear the continuation of Lafayette and George's story before you know the word of it.
> 
> What did you think? If you find any typos or have any complaints about how I write the characters, please tell me. I live for comments, constructive criticism especially ^^
> 
> Love you lots, I'll try to update soon ♥
> 
> \---  
>  **Celui qui a brisé mon cœur:** The one who broke my heart/He who broke my heart  
>  **Mon cher:** My dear


	5. In this everlasting night I simply wanted to be loved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating: PG  
> Word count: 1336

The first thing Alexander noticed when he woke up, was the light from his cellphone. It was a text message from Thomas. He smiled. They concluded that they would try being soulmates - romantic soulmates. They could always be friends if it didn’t work out, no hard feelings. Alexander wasn’t sure if he believed that last part, but he was more than willing to try.

 

> **Jefferson** ♥:
> 
> _Good morning, darlin’. Thought I might stop by Starbucks on the way to school. How do you like your coffee?_
> 
> ** Me: **
> 
> _Morning. I like it as dark as my soul._
> 
> **Jefferson** ♥
> 
> _So a white chocolate mocha then? ^^_

Alexander wasn’t sure whether he should smile or sigh at the comment. He shook his head before typing a reply.

 

> ** Me: **
> 
> _Wow. In general, any coffee is good coffee by me._
> 
> **Jefferson** ♥
> 
> _Any coffee? You can’t have had much good coffee in your life then._

Alexander snorted at the comment. He sat up, stretching. He thought about him. Thomas was tall, handsome, an athlete and a coffee snob. Alexander knew he came from money based on the clothing he wore. Nothing too extravagant, but everything fit him perfectly. It was as if it was tailored to him. He was talkative, but he didn’t talk too much, and he looked like one of those people who actually get enough sleep. He wondered how such a balanced person as Thomas had been paired up with him.

He heard his mother yelling at him from the hallway. Time to get up.

 

***

 

Alexander walked into his first class of the day, and sat down next to John. He gave a quick greeting before laying his head on the desk. He really needed to sleep more.

“Have you heard anything from Laf?” John asked, poking the seemingly lifeless form of Alexander. “He said he was meeting someone after school yesterday, and since then I have only received radio silence.”

 

“He’s sick. He texted me at, like, dawn.” Alexander grumbled. He could take a powernap before the teacher arrived.

“Sick? Laf is never sick. Are you sure?” John asked. Alexander mumbled something unintelligible in response. John shook his head, before his attention was caught by Thomas entering the classroom. He was wearing a magenta button down, a black leather jacket and ripped jeans. It was quite the outfit. Several other students looked up at the presence of the senior.

 

“Is he alive?” Thomas raised an eyebrow.

“I am pretty sure he’s just napping.” John said, trying to shake him awake.

 

“Let me try.” Thomas said, laying a hand on Alexander’s shoulder. Alexander opened his eyes slowly.

“How did you do that?” John asked. Thomas shrugged. He put a Starbucks to-go coffee cup on Alexander’s desk.

 

“One large coffee for you, darlin’. As black as the abyss,” Thomas smirked. He looked closer at Alexander’s face. “Or perhaps your dark circles. Do you never sleep?”

“Well, I actually slept better and for way longer last night than I have in a long time. I got a good five hours.” Alexander sat up, and took a sip of his coffee. He looked at his soulmate’s outfit for the day, and couldn’t help but admire his dedication. He looked stunning as per usual.

 

“Five hours? You need more sleep than that. I am going to call you every night at 10 PM to tell you to go to bed, just watch.” Jefferson said, pushing some of the hair out of Alexander’s face. His hair was barely gathered in a loose ponytail.

“I’m incorrigible,” Alexander said, pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt. “but feel free to try.”   

 

***

 

 Gilbert was lying on his sofa, watching Netflix. He had skipped school today. He felt physically tired because of the entire George situation. The doorbell rang, and he slowly rose up from the sofa to go get it. It rang again. This was odd. He opened the door to find John on the other side, with a shopping bag that appeared to contain two tubs of ice cream. He looked at his friend questioningly.

“For the entirety of the time I have known you, you have not been sick once. I assumed you were dealing with something else entirely than a mere flu.”

 

“You know me so well. Is that ice cream?”

“Duh. Now, can I come in so you can explain what the fuck is up?” Gilbert opened his door wider to let his friend in. “Also, what is it with the people in your family being ripped as hell? If I knew you were this hot, I would definitely have stopped pining over Jefferson sooner.”

 

Gilbert looked down, as he suddenly realized he was only wearing sweatpants, that were slung low on his hips. John’s shamelessness never ceased to amuse him.

 

***

 

After telling his friend the whole story between him and George, and watching him turn progressively angry, he felt lighter. It was good to share his troubles with someone else.

“Why can’t he just leave this Martha girl then? I literally don’t see the problem. You’re his soulmate, not her. So what if she was born without a soulmate? Neither of you are to blame.” John was practically fuming, as he was stuffing himself with cookie dough ice cream to calm himself down. He shuffled closer to Gilbert on the sofa. Except for their talking, the only sound in the room came from “The Get Down” that was playing on the TV.

 

“While I am glad you’re on my side, I can’t hate her. I can’t really hate him either. They grew up together, fell in love naturally. Isn’t that the dream?” Gilbert replied. “I have actually met Martha. George decided to introduce us one time. She is frustratingly nice, but at the same time it seems like she can really hold her own. Stand up for herself, I mean.”

“If only she had been a bitch.” John sighed.  He held out his ice cream tub in a gesture that suggested they switch. John had Cookie Dough, and Gilbert had Chocolate Fudge Brownie. Gilbert obliged and switched the tubs.

 

“I guess you’re right. It had been so much easier if I could just hate her, but instead, I can just picture her looking at him like he is her entire world, and he looking back at her like she is his sun. I feel like an outsider.”

John laid down on Gilbert’s laugh, pondering the statement. There was really no right answer, and it was hard to give advice to an impossible situation. He started playing with Gilbert’s loose t-shirt, pulling at it, while still remaining silent.

 

“I wish I had the answer to make you happy. It’s weird seeing you showing this vulnerable side of yourself.” He murmured. Gilbert starting running a hand through his hair, as if he was supposed to be comforting John. “Perhaps George’s entire polyamory idea isn’t so bad after all? It allows you to join, without anyone else getting hurt?”

“I don’t know, John. I’ll have to think about it.” He let his head fall to the backrest of the sofa. Perhaps he should. Maybe it would end his misery, or maybe it would just cause him to turn into this jealous, possessive monster he never wanted to be. There was no clear answer.

 

“I was just thinking, if Martha is the sun, and George is the Earth; perhaps you can be the moon. Or perhaps the stars, the clouds, the lifeforms, the general ecosystem, or whatever metaphor you see yourself as. The earth and the sun can’t get by on their own. They are just rocks floating through space. There is plenty of room for you.” John stated, looking up at Gilbert. The French boy looked down at him, an unmistakable fondness in his eyes.

 

“Do you really think so? Do you think it can really work?” He wanted so badly to be hopeful, but his brain wasn’t agreeing.

“I think it would be a shame if you didn’t at least try.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Jamilton's storyline is developing to become the more easygoing one of this story. Thomas and Alex are trying their best I promise. Poor Laf, still stuck in a difficult predicament. Let's hope it works out soon ;)
> 
> The story was beta-ed by the ever lovely Kjersti and Luka, thank you both so much.
> 
> What did you think? If you find any typos or have any complaints about how I write the characters, please tell me. I live for comments, constructive criticism especially ^^
> 
> Love you lots, I'll try to update soon ♥


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